One thing that I know is that when you loose someone close to you it makes your start to look at your life and thinking about all the wonderful things in your life. You begin to count your blessings and you start seeing things in a whole new perspective. You think about all the things you may have taken for granted and you express how much everyone means to you just in case they didn't already know. For me, when I lost my best friend I thought about all the times we tried to get together and failed. I thought about all the calls I wanted to make and didn't because I got wrapped up in my own life and put the call off for another day. That day turned into weeks and even though we didn't talk every single day, when we talked we were able to pick up right where we left off as if no time had passed at all.
I began to think about all the moments that she would not be here for and all the things that she would miss the most. I began to be thankful that I am here to experience the things she wouldn't and it made me feel guilty. It hurt. Life has changed so much over the last month and I realized that there are things that I want to change. I do not want to go a single day without my children knowing how much they mean to me. I do not want them to ever think that they are not a priority because they are. I want them to know how much knowing them and watching them grow has changed me and has fulfilled my life with such purpose and love. That being their mother/ step-mother has been one of the greatest joys of my life. That even though I do not see them or talk to them everyday, they mean the world to me and that I think about them every single day. They are growing up to be amazing young ladies, and they are at a moment in their life where their friends and their fun seems more important than talking to or seeing me.
We have all been there. When I was younger I know I was the same way. Being a parent is hard. No one fully understands how hard it is until they are one and living through it. Everyone starts out a family because babies are cute and as they grow they are fun and give your life purpose and meaning. No one starts a faimly going whooo hooo I cannot wait until my child gets sick and cries all hours of the night and keeps me up for years to come. No one stops to think about how exhausted they will be, sometimes they are too tired to bathe and I do not know how many times I have fallen asleep in the tub. You do not stop to think about the back talking, the arguments, the constant battle to establish boundaries and the rules. Yet, when you get to that point and the children become teens and then adults you look back and you think about everything and you laugh. You cry, and you wish they were little again so you can do it all over again.
I bump heads with my 16 year old all the time. She is very strong willed and she lives with her father and he and I do not get along at all. So, she gets away with quite a bit because my rules and his rules are totally different. I am sure many of you who are divorced can agree that the marriage usually ends badly and it is a constant battle to be civil to the other parent. I try my best. I do not like him one bit but a part of me will always be thankful and grateful for him because without him I would not have my babies. I was a young girl when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter Desiree. Although, it was not an ideal time to get pregnant and the whole world looked down on my decision to have her and keep her. I would not change a single thing. She and her sisters are the biggest blessing God has ever given me. So, yeah as much as I dislike their father I respect the fact that he is their father and I try to make the girls respect that as well. I wish he did the same thing but I have learned that you cannot change someone. You cannot control them. All I can do is be the best person I can be and pray that he can and will do the same.
My older children tend to disrespect me because they have seen their "other" parents do it and they think it is okay. I try not to disrespect the "other" parents or say anything negative about them. I am not perfect, in my frustration I have slipped but I do apologize. I do not think parents should say negative things about the other parent because the child is 1/2 of them too. To children, if you say that their father or mother is bad then they tend to think that they are 1/2 bad. Some children associate your negative feelings towards their father or mother as you not liking them because they may have heard you say, you look or are so much like your momma/daddy and then they think that because you do not like their momma/daddy then you may not like them either. Children do not think the same way adults do. They are emotional and irrational most of the time. They are always seeking approval. I have learned the hard way that there are major consequences to bad mouthing another parent in front of the child. Sometimes you are not badmouthing them, you are simply speaking the truth but it is a truth that should be kept from the child. Unless the child is in danger from the other parent, then they should be allowed to come to their own conclusions about that person and not be forced to feel the way you do about them.
Children are little people. They are going to grow up into adults and they will take what they learn from you into their adult lives and apply it to their children if they have any and the cycle just keeps on going. It is so hard sometimes to play nice with others who have put you down, disrespected you or mistreated you but sometimes it is necessary. I never knew how strong I could be until I had to deal with my ex, his wife and my husbands ex-wife. There is so much drama when you have split families and at times it makes you question if it is all worth it. For me the answer is yes every time. I love my husband. I truly believe that God made him just for me. It took us a long time to find one another but now that we have found one another, we are not going to let one another go. Drama or not, our marriage and friendship that we share is amazing. Learning to deal with the outside factors that are constantly trying to tear us apart only makes us stronger in the end. So, I am counting my blessings today. The wild woman I was after my divorce led me to my husband. Together he and I have grown and found God together. We have loved our children but we still struggle on some issues regarding how to handle them but we work through it.
We have been there for one another when the whole world seemed to be trying to tear us apart. We have gone through health issues, deaths, injuries and so much more together. I know that as long as he and I are together, we can overcome anything. I am thankful God brought him into our lives. He is an amazing man. He gave up so much for this country when he was in Iraq. He came back forever changed and his health surfers daily because of the injuries he sustained over there. He is an amazing father and husband. He is wants to adopt our daughter Gillian as his own. She has asked him to do so and her biological father has said he can so that will be the next chapter in our lives. We are hoping to have another baby next year as well. Time will only tell how this all turns out. However, I have so much to be thankful for and in the midst of my grieving I am going to count my blessings because they give me strength. So, when life is hard and everything feels pointless and helpless, count your blessings. Your blessings in your life will give you strength. Some of you hate your jobs but be thankful you have one. So many do not and are struggling and would be grateful to have your job no matter what it is. If it pays your bills and puts food on the table be thankful.
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